Summer is cruising along.
It seems like Ive just blinked and the last 4weeks have passed.
We now know our first grand baby is a little boy. Last week I got to hear his heartbeat at a Dr's appt with my daughter. We get closer and closer day by day to meeting him face to face.
People frequently ask me. Aren't you so excited to be a grandma. I give the obviously standard anticipated response "oh yes". But I'm not a good poker player. Ive never been really good at covering my emotions. I thought at length about why I'm not just silly happy anticipating the arrival of such an amazing blessing.
I was talking to my daughter today and realized I am not ready to celebrate the baby yet because I'm still working through all the situations in my mind. Every time I attend a delivery now I keep looking at the grandmas and think what is it going to be like when its my daughter and my grand baby in this room. I came home the other night after a busy shift concluded with an emergency c/s delivery. I kept trying to think how would I handle standing by and not jumping in to help if we were faced with an emergency. Ive attended many deliveries of friends at hospitals where I did not work. Ive experienced some bad situations where the delivery became complicated. Ive assisted with supra pubic pressure during the most severe shoulder dystocia Ive ever experienced on one of my best friends. I knew the Dr and when she asked for help the nurses attending didn't move. She looked at me and I climbed up on the bed and pushed on my friend while the Dr pulled. I remember my emotions clearly like it was yesterday.
Ive stepped in to help resuscitate babies as a visitor. Sounds crazy but when my nephew was born the nurse took him to the warmer and placed him incorrectly feet down and head up. She pressed the emergency call light but obviously didn't know what to do with this baby that was not making any effort to breath. I stepped in turned him, stimulated him and started to reach for the ambu. the nurse scolded me as she called out the door for help. I responded If you do your job I wont have to. I stepped back as an obviously more experienced nurse took over the resuscitation.
I know these situations will not happen at my hospital because I know my staff and I know what an amazing team they are.
I do know the process of delivering a baby is not without risk.
I know God will keep us every step of the way.
This is a new step for me as a mom to trust God through this process.
Ive never seen a child of mine through this path. Ive been through it with many others safely.
I'm praying for peace to keep me from worry so I can truly say I'm excited to be a grandma.
Every thing of worth in my life has come with a lesson to trust God.
One more to come....
