Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lost in the Mall

Fourteen year old girls are peculiar creatures, sometimes energetic and giggly and sometimes too sleepy to wake up till 2pm. I am experiencing the joys and frustrations of living with a 14 yr old girl for the 3rd time. I was looking forward to a shopping trip to the mall with “A” and my husband. This is an unusual event that turned into a very miserable experience. We all walked in the mall together but “A” went to the junior dept while “D” and I went to browse the men’s dept. We have all become very dependent on cell phones to keep track of each other. But today my cell phone battery was dead and “A” does not have a cell phone (lost it because of texting her life away). I started for the jr dept dressing room to check on “A” thinking my husband was behind me. Although he thought Ill just stay behind and hang out in the mens dept. As the time slipped by I enjoyed the questions of “what do you think mom? Was she really asking my opinion? Wow this is fun. She decided on her new pair of jeans. So now where is dad? We looked around thinking he couldn’t have strayed far. Maybe he went to the shoe dept. “A” and I wandered over to the shoe dept commenting on the styles and how the boots she thought were cute look like boots I wore back in the 80s. Still enjoying the time but wondering in the back of my mind how are we going to find “D” without a cell phone? We had not communicated well. As I expressed my concern to”A” her attitude went from sweet to angry and irritated in a second. ”How could you lose him he is not a little child.”Why didn’t you make a plan?” She scolded me. I said I guess we will have to find a pay phone and call your dad. So we headed for the customer service dept to call “D”. When we reached customer service I realized pay phones no longer exist. I had to ask to use the stores phone. I called my husband’s cell and he didn’t answer. Now what? The clerk suggested we page him in the store. He did not respond. Where could he be? I said to A” I’m going out to the car to see if he is waiting there. He was not there. With no better ideas I suggested we walk to the food court he knew we were hungry. He was not there. As we walked back from the food court “A” lit into me again about how could I lose dad she was now angrier than ever without difficulty or apprehension in telling me how she is feeling. My much anticipated shopping trip turned into another opportunity for “A” to verbally abuse me. I was hurt she could speak to me so cruel. I spoke up as we walked and said stop talking to me this way. You’re speaking to your mom. Somewhere from the past I remembered when you lose someone go back to where you last saw them. So we headed back to where we started. “D” had found a chair near the Jr dept and was waiting patiently for us. To my surprise “A” was not done with her outbursts of anger at both her dad and I. “You two are ridiculous lost puppies” Sad and hurt I made my way to the car with “A” berating her dad and I. In the car I addressed “A” with my strong disappointment in her behavior. About 15min after we returned home I experienced one of the best blessings a mom can experience. My 14yr old shared regret and genuinely apologized and asked forgiveness for her behavior at the mall. Life is full of blessings sometimes their found because someone gets lost at the mall.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sometimes a deep desire or love in our lives can be one of the greatest sources of struggle.

I think now at age 46 I can say that one of the things that defines who I am is how much I love attending families who are in the process of labor and delivery as an RN for the last 25 years. For the last few years I have focused more on supervising the labor and delivery unit on the night shift. I don’t have the opportunity to bond with the families as much although I usually attend the delivery stepping in at the last minute to be ready to resuscitate a baby who needs some assistance in the first minutes of life. This weekend I had the blessing and pleasure of taking care of a family from the time they walked in the door through the delivery of their first baby. I realized I’m in a new adjustment period in life as I observe other women my age cooing over their grandbabies. I never really was affected by this fact until a few months ago when my oldest daughter B. announced with much grief that she and her husband of 4 years had been trying to conceive for the last 12 months. To give a little background B is the oldest of 4 daughters and from the time she could say baby she wanted to take care of one…… I cannot even put into words how confused and disoriented I feel describing this latest turn of events, facing the possibility of traveling along side of my sweet B. down the rugged and sometimes long road of infertility. I don’t really have much experience in this area. Remember my work revolves around delivering babies, babies, babies……I do although have allot of experience supporting and loving those in my life experiencing, unexpected, frustrating, and sometimes grief filled situations in life. I’m trying to adjust to the new situation of supporting the one who has so much defined her life as being a mom/big sister, in a month by month journey to become a mother to her own little sweetheart. I cant help but be contemplative how the daughter of an L&D nurse who wants a baby so much should have to wait.Now when I see these new grandmas cooing I pray for a blessing for My B and husband C.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A bit about me.

Born in California my family moved when I was two. I grew up in Gresham Oregon. I had allot of big dreams for my life. At the age of 9 I asked God to direct my life. He has shaped me guided me and given me the gift of forgiveness. One of my dreams was to be a mom. For as long as I can remember I have loved to play with baby dolls. I dressed ,washed,fed, and pretended to care for my sick dolls.For the last 23 years I have done just that not only in my personal life but in my work as a Labor and Delivery Nurse. I have been married to the Cute boy who helped me with Geometry homework in the ninth grade for 27 years now. The best part is we still love each other and continue to pursue our lifetime friendship. My life is blessed and challenged by my 4 daughters and Two sons in law.and our big black lab "Jack"

Where to start

January in Oregon is a perfect month to curl up in a comfy chair concentrate on learning a new skill.The weather is so gray most of the time I have to look at the clock to see what time of day it is. Here I am in my chair setting up a blog just because my 23 yr old daughter urged me to try it out. Im not sure where this adventure will take me but Im taking the first step.I dont really understand what is the purpose of a blog. I hope to learn more as I go