Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sometimes a deep desire or love in our lives can be one of the greatest sources of struggle.

I think now at age 46 I can say that one of the things that defines who I am is how much I love attending families who are in the process of labor and delivery as an RN for the last 25 years. For the last few years I have focused more on supervising the labor and delivery unit on the night shift. I don’t have the opportunity to bond with the families as much although I usually attend the delivery stepping in at the last minute to be ready to resuscitate a baby who needs some assistance in the first minutes of life. This weekend I had the blessing and pleasure of taking care of a family from the time they walked in the door through the delivery of their first baby. I realized I’m in a new adjustment period in life as I observe other women my age cooing over their grandbabies. I never really was affected by this fact until a few months ago when my oldest daughter B. announced with much grief that she and her husband of 4 years had been trying to conceive for the last 12 months. To give a little background B is the oldest of 4 daughters and from the time she could say baby she wanted to take care of one…… I cannot even put into words how confused and disoriented I feel describing this latest turn of events, facing the possibility of traveling along side of my sweet B. down the rugged and sometimes long road of infertility. I don’t really have much experience in this area. Remember my work revolves around delivering babies, babies, babies……I do although have allot of experience supporting and loving those in my life experiencing, unexpected, frustrating, and sometimes grief filled situations in life. I’m trying to adjust to the new situation of supporting the one who has so much defined her life as being a mom/big sister, in a month by month journey to become a mother to her own little sweetheart. I cant help but be contemplative how the daughter of an L&D nurse who wants a baby so much should have to wait.Now when I see these new grandmas cooing I pray for a blessing for My B and husband C.


  1. managed to read without crying :) love you Merm

  2. Wow. That is so ironic and sad. Prayed for you all. Love you guys.