Life is full of blessings

Blessing of a new baby grandaughter. Makes her entrance via waterbirth

2012-01-03T00:34:00.001-08:00

I'm finding it hard to put into words the blessings of this last week. The day after Christmas my first granddaughter joined our family. My daughter had chosen to deliver her baby without any medication and in water. As a labor and delivery nurse of 27 yrs I had never experienced a water birth. The hospital I work in has been trying get everything in order to offer water birth as an option for our patients who are low risk. It seemed like it was taking forever for the midwives to gain training and credentials. Staff had been trained but months had passed since the training and most of us were having a hard time remembering even how to set up the water birthing tub. two days prior to my daughters labor starting the midwife had approval to attend the first water birth at our hospital. I had worked 6p to 6a the night before and way woken by my husband saying. Brooke wants you to call her when your awake. she is in labor. She felt it was time to come drop off the 2yr old at our house so the papa and aunties could care for him while the new baby was born. I headed to the hospital at around 5pm to find my daughter swim suit on ready to enter the tub. What a wonderful calming environment. The lights were dimmed and all voices were kept at a whisper while my daughter used her breathing and relaxation techniques to manage through each contraction. It seemed like the water provided such natural support for what ever position felt best and provided a medium for easy position change. She would spend 30-40min in the tub at a time and then out to the bathroom, walking and using the birthing ball. Her focused phrases of "Come on out baby girl and My body knows what to do and is perfectly made to deliver this baby" Midwife June, husband,Doula in training, sister, labor nurse, sister on Skype from North Carolina and myself seemed like such a large number but all were calm and quiet except for words of encouragement and soothing caresses. Her breathing and intensity increased about 845 when her repeated phrases changed I can do this"" I can do this." She agreed to allow June to break her bag of water now that she was 9cm. Intermittent fetal monitoring reassured us throughout the labor that sweet little baby girl was fine. Back into the tub she went to continue her rhythmic breathing and some stronger more intense sounds queuing us all that it would not be much longer. On her hands and knees in the water a second midwife checked to be sure she was fully dilated before she started to push. Within 10 min of pushing the baby's head emerged. The babies shoulders did not immediately come and the midwife instructed her to turn over. with the turn the shoulders delivered. The midwife instructed my daughter to reach down into the water and gently lift the baby on to her chest. Baby opened her eyes to gaze at her mom for the first time. Mom softly stroked her dark hair and baby took her first breaths. All in the room were in awe to witness this incredible moment. Not a dry eye as my daughter cried "I did it" I did it"" Oh how amazing " Her husband hugged her and stroked the babies head. The sister on the computer screen thousands of miles away cried with joy to be in attendance over the Internet.

I was so proud of my daughter. She had set out to deliver her baby without any medication, no IV. I respected her choice although it was not something I had wanted to watch her endure. Her strength and joy is such a blessing. She is an amazing mother. I have had people say there are no prizes for women who deliver their babies without medication. I would argue that if a women has this desire the prize is the satifaction of experiencing the delivery the way they want. As nurses , moms, sisters or friends we should respect the wishes of that individual even if it is harder for us to watch the one we love in pain. My granddaughter is the first water birth to occur at Legacy Mt Hood family birth center. Very amazing blessing how every detail came together.

Thinking about Blogging again?

2011-12-22T01:31:00.000-08:00

As I approach the new year Im feeling a little bloggy. I keep thinking about all the things I should write about, a new grandbaby due to arrive any day, healthy self and family, lessons learned and contemplation about lessons I need to work on. I sit here on the couch husband dozing next to me as I glance at the Christmas tree lights I think maybe I should start again reminding myself frequently of the blessings found in many places of my everyday average life.

6months of blessings

2010-07-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

Baby Colton 6 months old. He is so expressive with his lips.

His eyes are so bright.

A blessing in every way...
Blogging has gone by the wayside in the last 6months. As I snapped these pics today I thought I miss my bloggy friends. I had to share. so here he is the sweet little snugglio.

Even tears and sad faces are sweet

His chubby fingers reach for everything.

He makes the grandpa smile

Sweet face with cheeks o plenty

2010-02-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

5436515931509156370" />

The sun has come to visit Oregon this week. It surprises me every year when we get a few days of sunshine in February and I feel like my spirit is completely renewed.
I enjoyed a day full of different opportunities to spend time with my kids. I worked the last 3 nights but got off early was home by 4am. I loaded the dishwasher, started it and sent a text to my 15yr old to remind her of her dentist and Dr appt later this morning. I then responded to a text from my oldest daughter about my plans for the day. She was going to her 7wk post baby check up. It was a little disappointing to find the 2baskets of laundry I had dumped on my side of the bed were still there unfolded and my husband was very sound asleep. So there I was in the dark at 4am trying to fold clothes so I could get in bed. Sometimes I wonder when Ill get better organized.
10am came early and off to the dentist we went, a quick lunch then on to the Dr office to discuss some treatments for Acne. (Age 15 is not the easiest)
I arrived home just in time to spend 20 min visiting with my grandma who lives on my street, ate my lunch now that it was 3pm and in the car again to pick up daughter #4 from school.
After arriving home with #4, the oldest calls and asks do you want to meet to go for a walk?
I was thankful to enjoy the clear sunny late afternoon. #4 daughter came along to run with and wear out the Grand dogie Libby. ( she feels a little displaced since Colton has arrived)

Colton is a joy, his eyes are bright,cheeks are round,he is calm and snugly. Or as my #2 daughter would say "schnuggly"
I am so blessed to be Mermie to such a sweet content bundle of preciousness.

We headed home after our walk had a little bite to eat and out the door again with #4 daughter to Jr church group. Finally spent sometime with #2 daughter hearing about her new job. I am so thankful she has a job to keep her busy while her husband is deployed and she settles back into the nest for several months until he returns.
The day is done punctuated by the sounds of my husband in his office playing on line "combat games" I periodically her "help" "oh no". It makes me laugh. The blessing of a full day. I better go fold the basket of laundry I left on my side of the bed again. Need Sleep.

When it rains it pours

2010-01-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

Blessings Blessings Blessings.

Yes the grand baby arrived safe and sound.
I arrived for my night shift at 6pm Dec 21. It was kind of quiet in my family birth dept. The next day would be one of the nurses birthday. We all commented "wouldn't it be fun if Brooke came in tonight to have baby Colton?" The evening marched on with outpatient triage's which included a very ill patient with severe preeclampsia, and an active labor patient. Midnight struck and it looked like things were again calming down. We sang happy birthday to Gayle and within minutes the phone rang and it was my son in law announcing Brooke's water had broken and they were on their way into the hospital. We all squealed and jumped around like a bunch of silly Jr high girls. The special delivery would happen today.
Brooke and Cody arrived at the hospital and she was still 2 cm dilated. I knew it would be a long night for Brooke.

Being the charge nurse I had charts to prepare for the next days scheduled procedures and as the Resuscitation Specialist I had to stay alert to respond to the high risk labor patient who appeared to be adding DIC to her list of problems. Thankfully the baby was doing fine.
I was pulled knowing both my department needed me and my daughter needed me at her bedside. by 3am I called in my Stand by charge nurse to relieve me so I could take off the charge nurse hat and put on the grandma hat.
Brooke did so well and Cody what an amazing coach. She labored all night finally reaching 4 cm at 10am by 11am an epidural gave the opportunity for rest that she really needed in order for her to continue. within the hour she was completely dilated. Labored down for another hour and 45min of pushing rewarded by a healthy 7#5 oz bundle of joy at 332pm. He didnt cry much but pinked up and went to breast within 10min of age.

Blessing after blessing I say because through out the whole labor Coltons fetal heart rate tracing remained text book perfect not one deceleration for the Gramma/L&D nurse to worry about. Im so thankful.

PS thank you Wife/mom/nurse for checking in on me even when I didnt post. You truely are an awesome bloggy friend.

Ill be home for Christmas?

2009-12-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

Who will get her first? The song Ill be home for Christmas has special meaning at our house this year. baby Colton maybe here for Christmas. Counting down the days till Reed and Kelsey home for Christmas from NC?

Ive been wanting to make these Angel cookies with pretzel wings for many years.
Every year it fell off the projects to do list.
They were fun easy and worth the effort.

Practicing the gramma stuff with my friends granddaughters. Little fingers in the dough, flour, frosting and smiles make Christmas time.

One mom and one baby? Yep that was all the fun we had last night at work. Now that my daughter Brooke has arrived at 37wks gest is seems like not only am I excited to have her call with news that labor has started, but all the staff in my dept are excited to see who will be on duty when my grand baby arrives. Seeing my coworker snuggle a baby in the nursery I now am closer to grasping the reality my grand baby will be here soon.

I had the time to catch up with some of the staff I hadn't worked with in a while. I am reminded again why I love the staff I work with. They are very skilled dedicated to caring and willing to give of themselves to each other on a personal level.

Last week some of my coworkers announced that I would not be allowed to leave for the day until they came up with the name my Grand baby would call me. Of the top choices it was narrowed to "MiMi" or "Mermy". For some reason my own kids choose to call me "The Merm" So that's where Mermy comes from I guess a cross between Merm and Grammy. One of my grandmas we called Mammie. All the staff agreed Gramma or Grammy didn't fit me. Something about sounding to old and they seem to think I'm not an old grandma. I hope its not just that I don't act my age.

Baby shower for my soon to be Grandson

2009-12-10T23:08:00.000-08:00

Celebration of the new baby to come. Im not much of a blogger lately. Shower attended by friends and family. I hand carried parts of the decoration for the cake from NC. I'm not a real game person so we played a fun game of chance I called "bottoms up" A pie tin and 5 small plastic babies. Roll your babies and count how many land with their bottoms up. each person got three rolls. This was not a game of skill but sure provided some laughter. Cake cutting, gift opening and I read a story to Colton " God gave us you"

Several in the group went together on a stroller car seat combo. Very nice. I hung a clothes line across my living room to display the baby clothes gift items and displayed the blanket I made for Brooke when she was born.

North Carolina in the fall

2009-10-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

The decorated cake entry to the state fair. won honorable mention

The gingerbread cookies we made.

The happy daughter and son in law on his return from two weeks training.

The Mantle decorated for Thanksgiving
Ten days away from my home. Ten days visiting #2 daughter and her husband in NC. the first 5days spent just my daughter and I hanging out and playing. Army hubby off for training, my daughter and I shopping, sewing, baking, crafting. We were in the fabric store so long we both got exausted. Then off to walmart. I had so much fun buying the makings of thanksgiving decorations for her home. That evening we baked a birthday cake for hubby,listened to christmas music and crafted a table cloth we had seen in a magazine when we were snooping in books at Borders. Im so thankful for time. Time spent with the ones I love. Tomorrow I head back to the west coast .

Blessings in the sock drawer

2009-10-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

Ive been on a blogging break. Ive been checking in on other blogs but havent taken time to add to mine. I find it takes me a long time to come up with a tiny post so I stop before Im started
I'm not a very organized house keeper. I bop from one room to the other picking up this and that, folding clothes here and wiping up there, taking time to clean out a drawer just in time for garbage day so I wont have the chance to change my mind and pull out the"treasured item" from the garbage and return it to my clutter.
Last week on a sunny fall day I had to stay inside cleaning. I found myself rounding up a load of laundry in my closet. I don't remember how I got there,maybe a sock was sticking out and I took the time to open the drawers to organize.
There in the sock drawer I found the blessing. Ive seen it before but I couldn't resist taking the time to enjoy it again. Deep beneath the socks are special notes and letters. Some from my grown daughters to their dad and I,some from my husband notes of apology and mending of a misunderstanding years ago. One is simply a small scrap of wood with a note written on it saying I haven't told you I love you enough lately. (My husband is a carpenter)
I had to stop and ponder how funny it is I keep some of my dearest mementos in my sock drawer. I sat on my closet floor reading and soaking in the words of the letters. Sometimes I can find a blessing in the strangest place. The sock drawer.

Full Fall day

2009-09-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

What a full day I had today. I started by sleeping through my alarm to take my kids off to their first day of school. Thankfully I have two girls who have learned to set their alarms, fix their lunches, fix breakfast and make sure their mom is awake and ready to take them to school on time. Wow what an amazing thing really for and 11 and 15 yr old.
My hubby left this morning for some R&R Bow hunting in eastern Oregon so I'm on my own for a few days. I always think I should take on some project while he is gone. In past years when he has gone hunting Ive redecorated his office, painted one of the girls rooms dark purple, redecorated another child's room and thrown out stuff needing to go. I guess I'm more of a hunting season cleaner than a spring cleaner. I'm not planning any big projects this hunting season. Maybe just dust the house.
I intended to take myself off to the gym to get myself back into an exercise routine but alas I stopped off at the computer this morning and got lost in Face Book and emails.
Talked to the daughter living off in NC on the phone while she shopped at walmart. Weird how the world really can be so small with all the technology. I told her I would call her back after I went to Target with Daughter #1 so she could make a baby registry. We had fun with the registry gun clicking off all the little items she will need to care for her new arrival. It was strange even though Ive had 4 babies I was unfamiliar with some of the latest baby must have stuff. A whole aisle of baby bottles. Oh my it was overwhelming. I wasn't as much help as I think she thought I would be.
Lunch and then stop by work to drop off some supplies for a children's health fair scheduled at my hospital. The FBC is in charge of making hundreds of "Boo Boo Bunnies" In case you don't know these are wash cloths folded to look like a bunny and when a child gets and boo boo and ice cube fits inside for the child to hold on the boo boo. I was delayed by my manager wanting to talk to me about schedule changes and a charge nurse meeting tomorrow. I ended up being 15min late to pick up #4 daughter from her first day of JR high. Boy did I get a scolding on the text message. Where are you!!!!!
I called daughter #2 back and chatted while I drove to pick up #3,#4. I agreed to skype with her when I got home so she could show me her costume she got at walmart. How fun is that to be able to actually see her all the way in N.C.
While we were talking I heard a beep on the line. I took the call from the hospital. Yes too many labor patients and not enough staff for the night shift. No I cannot work all night. My husband is out of town but I could cover 730-mid
night.
Daughter #3now in the car and asking if she can go visit her new love the sweet horse named Misty. I agree to take her but must be back to work by 730
Now I know why I'm so tired after today. After taking the girls to ride the horses I made sure they were OK with food etc and off I went to the hospital.
I worked till 11pm helping out by attending babies at their deliveries and odds and ends.Still busy when I left only one patient room empty in the dept.
What a full day. I better go to bed and set two alarms so over sleep again. It starts all over tomorrow. welcome to fall.

15 and "in love"

2009-09-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

"Jumping with Misty"

"Satisfaction of caring for another"

"In Love"

This past week in my work as a Labor and delivery nurse we seemed to be running a special of the week. One after the other we admitted 14 and 15yr old to have babies. As the charge nurse in my dept I do most of the triage of patients. I had cared for One of these young moms several times through out the summer as she came in during the night with assorted complaints. My heart is very tender toward these very young girls and I somehow have been given extra compassion for the moms of the girls. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I have 4 daughters and know I do not have control over all their actions and choices. I am thankful I have not had to experience this road with any of my daughters but I am keenly aware of guiding and guarding thier hearts as they journey through the rocky path of 12-20.
One of these girls truely broke my heart. Her mom appeared to be concerned and caring to her pregnant daughter and truly overwhelmed with the circumstance she was in. She took me aside in the hall and thanked me for my care to her daughter. She said "You know this is not what I would have chosen for my daughter. I'm doing the best I can but I'm over my head. I appreciate your not judging me and being kind."
Every time this mom and daughter came in I again tried to reassure and encourage her. So when she came in this week to have her baby I again felt that draw to pray for them and do what I could to make good out of a difficult situation. I did not directly care for her but again as the charge nurse I get to check in on all the patients. The layers of drama unfolded revealing just how mixed up this 15yr olds life had become. How is it possible for a young girl like this to have no idea who is the father of her baby?
I asked my 15yr old daughter. Is this normal? She said Not normal with the people I hang out with but there is a small group of girls that behave like its their spot in life to just have sex with who ever wants. Sad huh. She asked me why are you asking me this? I told her I was just wanted to know what she thought of such a sad situation. The conversation to follow blessed me as she expressed her hopes and renewed goals to focus on school. With one week left of summer refocus and last minute fun is where were at.
It is such a relief to see Ab placing her affections on something other than boys. In the last few weeks she has taken the initiative to contact her older sisters father in law to spend time with their horses. I am proud of her honest approach offering to clean stalls brush horses etc in exchange for some riding opportunity.
Last week she asked if she could take one of the saddles home and condition the leather. She spent several hours working on this project. She was proud of herself when she returned it this week looking clean and shiny.
I'm so thankful to see my 15yr old loving her time with the horses instead of the situations Ive seen at work this week. I'm praying for a fresh start this year and success in her school work.

Love this picture

2009-08-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

I just couldnt resist posting this picture. I think its my favorite of all the pictures I snapped during our last of the summer vacation to Paulina Lake in Central Oregon. It captures my Sweet Brooke contemplating the depth of her belly button and wondering out loud if she will see the end of it with the growing baby stretching her belly. Small moments in my life which bring me great pleasure.

The grandbaby blessing on the way is a boy....

2009-08-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

Summer is cruising along.

It seems like Ive just blinked and the last 4weeks have passed.

We now know our first grand baby is a little boy. Last week I got to hear his heartbeat at a Dr's appt with my daughter. We get closer and closer day by day to meeting him face to face.
People frequently ask me. Aren't you so excited to be a grandma. I give the obviously standard anticipated response "oh yes". But I'm not a good poker player. Ive never been really good at covering my emotions. I thought at length about why I'm not just silly happy anticipating the arrival of such an amazing blessing.

I was talking to my daughter today and realized I am not ready to celebrate the baby yet because I'm still working through all the situations in my mind. Every time I attend a delivery now I keep looking at the grandmas and think what is it going to be like when its my daughter and my grand baby in this room. I came home the other night after a busy shift concluded with an emergency c/s delivery. I kept trying to think how would I handle standing by and not jumping in to help if we were faced with an emergency. Ive attended many deliveries of friends at hospitals where I did not work. Ive experienced some bad situations where the delivery became complicated. Ive assisted with supra pubic pressure during the most severe shoulder dystocia Ive ever experienced on one of my best friends. I knew the Dr and when she asked for help the nurses attending didn't move. She looked at me and I climbed up on the bed and pushed on my friend while the Dr pulled. I remember my emotions clearly like it was yesterday.
Ive stepped in to help resuscitate babies as a visitor. Sounds crazy but when my nephew was born the nurse took him to the warmer and placed him incorrectly feet down and head up. She pressed the emergency call light but obviously didn't know what to do with this baby that was not making any effort to breath. I stepped in turned him, stimulated him and started to reach for the ambu. the nurse scolded me as she called out the door for help. I responded If you do your job I wont have to. I stepped back as an obviously more experienced nurse took over the resuscitation.
I know these situations will not happen at my hospital because I know my staff and I know what an amazing team they are.
I do know the process of delivering a baby is not without risk.
I know God will keep us every step of the way.
This is a new step for me as a mom to trust God through this process.
Ive never seen a child of mine through this path. Ive been through it with many others safely.
I'm praying for peace to keep me from worry so I can truly say I'm excited to be a grandma.
Every thing of worth in my life has come with a lesson to trust God.
One more to come....

Back to reality

2009-07-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

Back to working night shift after almost 3 weeks off. Ive had a Reality check for sure. The last shift I worked we had to transfer 2 preterm patients by code three ambulance to the high risk center at the same time. For my family birth dept. this is pretty exciting. The night just didn't slow down.
My parents have been in town visiting and we had the family reunion for my grandmas family. She is the oldest of 7 kids. Only 3 are still living. It was kind of sad because the day was kind of drippy and cold. Usually about 75 people attend and this year only about 40 showed up. When it as over my grandma made the comment " I'm not sure who will make it to next year." Maybe I wont. Reality is we all grow old and die. I just remember when we all gathered in my great grandmas yard to celebrate her birthday the second weekend of July. I remember when we took the picture of 5 living generations. Kind of fun to think my oldest daughter is pregnant with the 5th generation again. My husband and I realized this was the first year in 24 that we came to the picnic with no kids. A. and T. were invited to spend the weekend at a cabin with another family. The coolest part was the kids got to fly in a small plane across the state to join their friends already at the cabin. They spent the weekend riding horses and enjoying the woods. My husband and I had a very unusual two days with an empty house. It was quiet,the kitchen stayed clean and the pillows stayed on the couch.

Too much fun

2009-07-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

The pictures say it all.... Ive been having fun with my kids and numerous celebrations.

Grandbaby 14wks and growing....
The latest cake creation of my sugar artist daughter

The Blessing of 50 years

2009-06-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

This is the memory movie my husband, daughter and I put together to honor my parents 50th wedding anniversary. We shared it with family and friends at the party on Saturday night. I asked my parents for two or three songs that were meaningful to them. The first song in the movie is the song sung at their wedding 50 years ago. I had not completed the finished version when we left for California. I asked my husband to preview it and finalize it. I was so shocked when 6hrs later I came back to the hotel and he was still working on it. I said I thought you would be reading by the pool. It was so sweet how he discribed the blessing he felt by viewing this over and over realizing the life of my parents and how after 28 years of marriage he felt so connected to my family and God really had done what He said. He had made us one.Pause my blog music tape player before you view my Memory movie.

What do Night shift nurses do for fun?

2009-06-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

Rain, Rain, Rain. It rained so much today I wondered if I should start building an ark. This is normal weather for Oregon in June, but tomorrow my friends daughter is getting married and yes you guessed it she has planned and outside wedding without any option for rain. I am praying for a window of dry sky for the ceremony. The sweet sugar artist #2 daughter has been here for two days from NC but I have not had much time with her because of meetings at work and the crazy Physical Therapy schedule Im trying to keep up with to improve my stupid hip pain. Oh yes and then the practice time for the singing group the Family Birth Center "Sistas". Several of the night shift staff in my dept at the FBC including myself make up this fun group. We have performed at dept parties and the hospital fundraiser. Sat night we have a " Surprise Gig" to entertain at the graduation party for one of our staff who survived nursing school while working night shift as a tech. This tech is also a member of the group but we are surprising her.
Im excited to have a break from working night shifts until July 8th. My husband and I will leave the two younger kiddos with the #2 daughter and son in law while we travel to So. Cal to celebrate our 28th wedding anniversery and my parents 50th. I just have to survive this weekend as the only dept supervisor in town. Hmmmm what could go wrong???? No I wont even go there.
Yesterday an incredibly beautiful wedding cake emerged from my kitchen at the hand of my #2 daughter. She will deliver it tomorrow morning.
Today was another day to count blessings, lunch with my two oldest girls and a treasure hunt at the local Salvation Army store with #2 and #4. We had fun finding some summer outfits for next to nothing.

The little red wagon

2009-06-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my first little red wagon, full of a litter of puppies. Our beagle dog Sniffy had many litters as I grew up. I cant think of anything more fun.

After my little pity party yesterday I enjoyed a special day with the number 4 daughter we affectionately call "Skew". We explored the local farmers market, ate kettle corn and visited the vendor booth of my childhood friend Heaven Scent bakery. As 10yr olds we made huge messes in the kitchen and imagined the day we would have a cookie cart in the local mall. Now 36 yrs later I with 4 girls and she with 3 girls. She took our little girl dreams and turned them into a way to support her family after her husband left her when her youngest was 3days old.
The little Skew and I visited the craft store looking for a summer fun project. She found a white t shirt and marking pens to decorate it. On our way home in the car she made the comment "Mom that was fun. Thanks for I'm glad we got to go today" This was such a blessing to me, I needed to know I could find a little spot to connect with my youngest little girl.
As we were passing a roadside flea market I spotted an old red wagon. I turned around because I thought it would be a cute addition to my side yard garden. The red wagon was so perfect. I think it was as old as me. I reminded me of one I remembered playing with as a child. I really didn't have any business buying the old rusted wagon but just looking at it made me smile. The vendor at the flea market was so nice and helped me take the handle off so it would fit in the trunk of my car.
So now it graces my side yard garden full of flower pots

Changes

2009-06-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today I was grieving a little. I realized life has changed again and I was missing some of what had gone. I missed my first and second born little girls. I was remembering the sweet things of the days when it was the three of us exploring a new world. I remember the early summer planning swim lessons and summer camp thinking of projects. Life is different with only two at home. At ages 14 and 11,text messaging, and ipods fill much of their life.I assigned chores for the girls and ran an errand with my husband. Much of the ride he had to talk on the phone for business. I missed the days when a car ride meant uninterrupted time with him. The two younger girls are finding more of their own lives with activities and friends. I took a look around and took a deep breath. Life had changed.Its OK to be a little sad.
Along with change I have to acknowledge blessings. The anticipation of a first grand baby and the joy I find in seeing the two families established by the two older girls marriages,the amazing son in laws and the lives I see them living.I need to remember to refocus with every change in life to see Gods plans and appreciate the life He has provided.

Blessings in the side yard garden.

2009-06-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

The side yard is my special place. The place I am totally in control. My husband likes order in the other parts of the yard, but this my place. Two chairs ready to invite a friend to join me for ice tea. The climbing rose used to grow across the arbor my second daughter and I made out of old tree branches but now the rose grows in a totally different direction. Out of control. 3 years ago I thought it was a great idea to buy some grape vines, but I didn't really plan a place for them to spread, so they grow across the fence.

This is a Tropicana rose salvaged from my cousins yard when his wife declared her complete dislike for roses. I swore I would never go around repeating the names of flowers like my mom but here I am telling you about the Tropicana in my yard that amazes me by starting out as a beautiful bright pink bud and blooms into a flower with hot orange and then fading into a yellow center. I am blessed by Gods creativity.

"Mom the booties you are knitting are for your Grand baby."

2009-05-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

First grandbabys booties

Who knew when I misplaced my knitting project and started the pale green,baby blue and white cotton booties that this would be the pair my daughter would claim for my first grand baby.I guess I look a little too deep sometimes but I couldn't help but think how upset I was about misplacing my knitting project. I let it go and started fresh. I started this new pair and it just so happened I started them just as God was knitting a new life inside of my daughter. I need to remember sometimes what I see as loss God may turn into an opportunity for a unique reminder of how He can show Himself in little details we might call coincidences.
First daughter announces she and her husband were finally blessed to be pregnant after 17 months of hopeful waiting. It will be many months before we meet this sweet little blessing.He or She will be the best Christmas/New years gift ever. "God gives such amazing gifts."
Today is her 24th birthday and I'm remembering the day of her birth.I remember the moment the Dr placed her on my chest her eyes wide open and delicate fingers reaching out. My first baby and I was in love.

Happy Birthday Brooke I'm so happy to celebrate your anticipation to look into your baby's face and admire the details God has created.

Announcing the news to the sister in North Carolina

Brooke and a little Birthday cake

Yes the proud moment of waving the positive pregnancy test.(in a zip lock bag of course.)
The happy grand doggie. "I cant wait to see my new playmate"

Aunties to be

Brooke and Grandpa to Be

Why did I think it was a good idea to schedule myself everyother weekend 4 12hr shifts in a row?

2009-04-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

This seemed to be a good plan when I saw the 10 night of sleep in a row, but now I feel whiny on a Friday evening as my family winds down into the weekend play I'm revving up to work 4 12s. Once I'm at work I love to be there but right now I'm wishing I could just play with my family. I'm praying God will give me an attitude of anticipation for the work He has provided to me and the opportunity to care for patients and their families. A walk in the 1000 acre dog park with my Brooke and her fur baby Libby was a fun adventure today.

Whats lost now? and why is my computer buggy?

2009-04-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

This week has been a series of lost items, sets of keys, sunglasses, , more keys and then I couldn't find my current knitting project. My computer went buggy and is in the shop for repair. I hope its not fatal.I had last seen the knitting in my back seat when I went to work on Easter Sunday night or maybe I left it in the choir room between services earlier that day. Either way it was gone. One finished bootie and one half finished bootie, my bamboo needles and pattern in a zip lock bag. I tried to get over it but I kept having this silly frustration gnawing at me. In the mean time Monday morning comes and my husband couldn't find the keys to his truck. He drove it Saturday morning and didn't have a clue where they could have gone, he used the extra key to drive but couldn't get to the tools in the back because he didn't have an extra key for the canopy. Work stand still for a contractor. Monday afternoon having run out of other ideas he decided to search my car of all places. There were the keys on the back seat floor. Yeah. So now its Wednesday and Ive moved on to another set of booties still grieving the lost project. After I put away my groceries was folding my reusable bags and organizing some extras in the cupboard when I noticed one bag was kind of lumpy. So there was my knitting project stuffed in a reusable grocery bag in my kitchen all along. This is a very long story to say I relieved the lost was found, now if only the flute would show up that I thought I took to work and left in the staff room for a a coworker.

Pedicure pondering.

2009-04-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

When in doubt get a pedicure.

I worked Sunday night till 130 am got home only to get called back in at 245am. Just got to sleep when I was called back in. I need to work but I knew Kelsey would be headed back to NC early Wed am and I could feel the send off clock ticking. Monday I only slept about 2hrs and got up to go to lunch with Kelsey. Not enough patients in the hospital to require all the scheduled staff so I volunteered to stay home Monday night. I never cut myself short on sleep like I did on Monday. I knew better but couldn't resist maximizing my minutes with Kels. One of the most enjoyable experiences for me is to be with my girls all together doing something fun. The local pedicure salon was our meeting point. Brooke, Kelsey, Abigail and I all in a row doing the massage chair shimmie,soaking our feet and relaxing while pink polish is applied. I drank in the faces on either side of me.

I marked the moment in my heart for future reflection. I know the salon workers thought I was silly, but I snapped pictures of the girls on either side of me.

I love their faces and I feel blessed when I look at them. The phone rang near the end of our fun. Yes the stork was circling my hospital and they would need me at 8pm. I cherished the moment then hurried home to catch 2 hours of sleep before I went in to work. Today I am pondering the pedicure and thinking again how God can bless us through the simplest of things if we let Him.

She bakes a beautiful cake.

2009-04-06T01:57:00.001-07:00

Sometimes God blesses us with simple pleasures. Mocha cake with choc ganache filling and Kahlua butter creme frosting .For the last few days I have had the blessing of my #2 daughter visiting from NC. I watched while she created this beautiful artwork in cake for a wedding shower I attended for a co-worker this week. I just love having her near so I can hug her. I am proud of her and how she trusts God with her life. She gives Him the credit for the blessings in her life and the strength He gives her to face difficult circumstances. As a parent I cannot take any credit. I can only appreciate the blessing and enjoy the cake ......

My friend celebrates 35 yrs of marriage

2009-04-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

This evening I celebrated with my friend. She and her husband have been married 35yrs and are an example of Gods hands and feet in this world. This is a women of God. I am blessed by knowing her and calling her my friend.

"No mam it was not a warranty issue."

2009-04-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

I unfortunatly found out this week what it cost to spill a latte into shifting console of my then new car 3 years ago. My car dealership called me to schedule some factory warranty repairs, so my husband said " have them look at the gear shift when its in manual shift mode it sticks." So yesterday morning I heard the dreaded words " No mam it was not a warranty issue. Something sticky must have spilled into it and it must be cleaned with a special solvent to remove the residue." "Oh no I replied. How much will that cost?" $125.00. My mind flashed back to the first week I drove my new car three years ago. I was in a hurry and grabbed my laptop out of the passenger front seat to take it along. It was heavy ,I miscalculated and pulled it across the console. It caught the top of my full latte popping the top off and spilling it not only on my lap but down the console. I was horrified. I had never had a brand new car and now I was wearing latte and wondering how much damage I'd caused my car. Fast forward 3 years now I know the answer.

Mini concert In my Kitchen...

2009-04-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

I marked a moment of blessing this evening. I realized all four of my daughters were actually under my roof at the same time. Kelsey is here from NC and Brooke came to meet with her girls Bible study group. Kelsey agreed to sing a few worship songs with the girlsand was trying out a few notes on us first. We were all in the kitchen together so I tried a new skill. I'm Not too good at Cinematograpy yet .Just a little moment but made me so happy I had to try to catch a clip and save it. (scroll down and pause my music before you try the kitchen concert.)

Changing Hats.

2009-03-31T16:20:00.000-07:00

Its 4pm on a Tuesday I think. After working 2 and 1/2 of the last 3 nights I slept till 1:30 and have now been sitting in a chair since. It is so hard change hats from night shift nurse to Mom, wife, cook, taxi driver, housekeeper etc. You have the idea. I am off for several days now and hope I can quickly adjust to my other roles. My family is wondering what level of no food will finally inspire me to go to the store. No not yet. I will only go to get something to fix for dinner tonight. I am so tired and feel like I have major jet lag. Only I have not been on a trip. I have only ventured into the land of the people who do not sleep at night, because babies dont know night from day and the stork works 24/7. I love all the hats I wear and hope I feel ready to face them all tomorrow

Part of my heart is coming closer

2009-03-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

When all my children lived under my roof and I could reach out ,hug them and love them I had no idea what it would be like to have my heart stretched out over the entire continent of the U.S.A. This week I am blessed to look forward to my #2 daughter coming home to visit while her military husband is off for training for 3wks. I feel a sense of relief thinking about wrapping my arms around her tiny frame.

My blessing this week is the realization that God is so capable of hugging my kids when I cannot touch them. He is with them always. I worried, that is the key word worry we should never use, my daughter needed comfort when she took her husband to the airport this week for his training. I was in pain thinking about her driving back from the airport alone for the first time since her marriage 7months ago. Far away in NC I could not sit next to her in the car as she drove back from the airport. The night before I called to pray for her over the phone. By the way God does hear us when we pray. I prayed that God would ride back from the airport with her and that God would comfort and carry both my daughter and son in law through this time of separation. I called her at 5:30 am knowing she would be back by this time. When she answered the phone I knew immediately that peace and comfort had been her companion on the drive that morning. Her calm voice stating "Mom I was just fine, I didn't even cry." Its not that I never want to have my kids experience difficulty or grow I guess its the hope that they will experience Gods personal presence in their difficulties like I have in my life. I am experiencing a different dimension of Gods love when I see Him loving and caring for my grown kids. Im happily anticipating my daughters visit but I am continuing to ask God to be with my son in law during his training and the comfort of my daughter as her heart is stretched across the U.S.A. to her husband as he endures and grows in his training.

Springbreak, not in Cancun

2009-03-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ive been a little whiny lately. I think its that old green eyed monster jealousy that is lurking around my attitude. Its spring break and its rainy and cold. This is no surprise for Oregon in March. We love the spring flowers and green landscape but boy do we pay for it with rain rain and more rain. It seems like every where I turn someone is elated to be on their way to Cancun or some other sunny destination, except for my friend R who unbelievably is camping in this rain. I'm trying not to be jealous of the sunny travelers. The only thing I can think of is at least I'm not where everyone else is fighting for a place to lay my towel on the beach or lounge chair by the pool. I do love my comfortable bed at home and my parents are here visiting from southern Oregon, and as I'm writing this post my two silly girls have come into the room to do a dance routine to entertain me. How could I ask for more? Comfort, warmth in my home and family to love.

Proverbs 14:30 (New Living Translation)
30 A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

The legacy of the baby booties

2009-03-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

You ask "What are these?"

Hand knit booties that if I counted the hours it takes to make them I would never start another pair. After you read the story you will know why Ive now made 5 pair in the last 6 months.

You cannot tell by looking but these booties are more than yarn and ribbon. Almost 24yrs ago I was pregnant with my first baby. I had the glorious privilege of carrying the first grand baby for both my mom and dad, my husbands parents, and the first great grandchild for my grandma K. With much anticipation we all waited. While grandma K waited she knit a pair of soft white booties that resembled winter snow boots we used to call "moon boots". I watched my grandma knit these booties on five of the smallest knitting needles Id ever seen. The needles reminded me of over sized toothpicks. When my daughter was born I loved to dress her up like a doll. The booties my grandmother made were so practical.They stayed on her feet when nothing else would. Aside from keeping her feet warm when ever I looked at the booties I thought of every stitch and the hours spent by my grandmother. These booties represented a legacy of love to my daughter.

My grandmother told me she and all her friends started knitting these booties back in the 1930s when resources were small and time more plenty. She made them as gifts and for her own babies.

Late last summer I knew I would be attending several conferences and wanted a project to keep my hands busy while I listened. I always get a little fidgety sitting for hours. The project is small and didn't require my constant attention to count every stitch. I experimented with organic cotton thread because several of the moms -to- be feel organic natural fibers are an important consideration.

Several coworkers were expecting babies and I now had an opportunity to give my gift of the legacy booties. It seemed kind of silly but as I knit I would also pray for the mom,baby and family to which I was giving the booties.

Shortly after I started making these booties the daughter who had worn the inspiration booties came to me to share a heart ache. She and her husband of 4yrs had been trying to conceive for a year and now were starting the process of infertility evaluation. My heart ached with them. Now my bootie knitting took on a different perspective. I worried my bootie knitting would make my daughter sad because it solicited the natural question from friends of "oh are you going to be a grandma?"

I will be a grandma. We don't know the timing. I will keep knitting and praying. Maybe God knows I'm a slow project finisher and can get distracted so Hes giving me some extra time to make each stitch of love.

He knows when the little feet will arrive to fill the booties. Until then I will keep making each stitch to gift others with the legacy of the hand knit booties, until my daughter tells me the next pair will be for my grandchild.

I was so proud of my effort to find this old pattern and learn how to make them like my grandma. I went to her house to show her what I had accomplished. She was so shocked. She said " Why in heavens name would you make that pattern it was so difficult and took so long. Aren't you too busy to ever finish them." I explained to her how in my eyes the booties had represented special love and investment. I wanted to give that to others. She was proud. When my daughter does have a baby it will be her first great great grand child.

First signs of spring

2009-03-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

crocus are the first flowers to peek their heads out and show spring is coming. I love to see them it gives me a measure of hope when the days are mostly gray and rain seems to be pouring down everyday. When we get a reprieve from the rain its amazing to take a walk in the sun. Brooke, Tessah and the granddoggie Libby and I venture down the path. Appreciating the blessing of time spent with my 2 of my sweet daughters. After a recent wind storm many large trees fell Tessah is sitting on the tree and behind her is the root system of this huge tree uprooted.

The police officer was very nice.

2009-03-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

No, I really didn't want to meet any police officers today

but one wanted to meet me.

Can I say OH!!!!!! MY!!!!!!! Goodness!!!!

No I was not changing lanes no,I was not speeding . As I approached the crosswalk the light changed to yellow. OK slam on the breaks or go through. Considering the wet road and cars directly behind me I went through, and yes I am again on the side of the road meeting a police officer.

This time all I can think of is how lucky and stupid can I be to get two tickets in two weeks, considering Ive been driving for 30 years with only one ticket. All I could think of is How much is this ticket going to cost? and how high will my insurance go up or will the company just drop my insurance? All this and my cell phone rings before the officer can approach my window. I answer my phone and start to cry as I tell my friend I am getting another traffic ticket. I give the officer my drivers license and she tells me not to worry she was not giving me a ticket today. Wow what a blessing!!! She then explains she stops drivers mainly to educate not to ticket. So she tells me instead of a $250.00 ticket for going through the intersection on a yellow light I must remind 10 people that in Oregon it is against the law to proceed through on a yellow light. Can I just tell you I'm thinking maybe a bus pass is sounding good to me right now or some kind of drivers reeducation. I'm not sure how many lessons I can stand to learn this month.

Why am I so amazed?

2009-03-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

My husband and 3rd daughter are off on an adventure. They are traveling to North Carolina to visit Reed and Kelsey. The events of the last 5 days are too much to sort out. It all started last Thursday when Kelsey called me to say she and Reed now knew when he would go to his SERE training. She knew I would be happy to know she planned to come home for 2weeks of his 3 week training. I couldn't stand the thought of her being alone and thinking of all the difficult circumstances Reed was training through. I was happy but realized her dad would see her coming home in a few weeks as a reason to cancel he and Abigail's trip. Why spend the money and make such a long trip when Kelsey would be back here. Well can I just say every situation in life has perspectives....He had his and from my perspective all I could see from cancelling this trip was sadness and disappointment for several of the people I love most. But as I tried to explain myself to my usually willing to listen husband I found that all I was doing with each word was frustrating him and making him feel I didn't respect his point of view.
After 27 yrs of marriage I have learned only a few things about avoiding a major meltdown. But I also could see the telltale signs of a set up for the perfect "relationship storm". I was headed directly into the storm front. Knowing we needed a time out from the discussion my husband went to work out at the gym. after he left I dissolved into a puddle of tears allowing myself to feel the pain of the disappointed 14yr old. (I knew she was looking forward to the special trip with her dad and making her own connection with the sister and new brother in law living so far away in NC) In this moment I remembered the feelings of the 14yr old I was many years ago wishing I could have the attention of my dad and feeling unimportant. I cried for that 14yr old too.Then I cried for the daughter in NC who could also feel less important by her dads choice to not come. I cried for my new son in law thinking of his smile and how my husband could encourage and affirm him in the ways only a loving proud dad could do. I again cried for me because I was the one who really wanted to go the most just so I could hug my kids and share a piece of their life only shared through time spent. Yes there was allot of crying...Gee you would think at 46 I wouldn't need to cry so much.
I stopped crying and started to pray, because I had a grandma that not only stated that crying was OK but she insisted that praying is the most important thing you can do in any situation. Yes she even prayed for the right parking spot to open up when going to the store.
I did not discuss the subject with my husband anymore that day. I politely hugged and kissed him on my way to work. Thankfully my patient assignment kept me constantly busy all night. I prayed every time I thought of the situation and prayed that Gods plan would happen and if my husband cancelled the trip that I would have peace and release all my worries about my kids disappointments and all the potential hurts. All night in my mind I was formulating the "perfect" words I would use to convince and help my husband understand my perspective. I didn't have time on my lunch break to compose the email.
Sunday morning was daylight savings, so it really was 6am when I arrived home thinking I would compose the email before I went to bed. I walked in the door to find my husband sitting in the living room reading. I looked at him and quickly breathed a prayer asking God why He wants me to do things His way. I didn't want to discuss this again with my husband face to face. Email would be better Right? As the words started across my lips I realized my husband had not changed his perspective. He was although going on the trip. I was confused. He said "You got your way but not because of the reasons you think." I was thankful he was going through with the trip but still felt sad that he and I couldn't come to an understanding. I was hurt and exhausted. I went to bed hoping I could sleep this bad dream away. I had just pulled the covers over my head when I could feel someone cuddling in beside me. It was my husband holding me and saying he was sorry for hurting me and how much he loves me and doesn't want any walls between us. WOW... Of course I cried again but this time it was tears of peace and joy because God softened his heart like no words I could compose. Why am I so amazed when God does what he does best, heals hearts, loves His children (yes even the 46yr old moms)Makes peace and shows Himself in ways we never expected. This is my blessing for the week. I just took Dan and Abigail to the airport and although I'm sad I'm not going I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has it all under control and He knows what He is doing. I really am so glad I'm not in control. I don't want my way I want His.

I drove safely today....

2009-03-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

I'm so thankful I didn't meet any police officers today. I safely made it downtown to attend a 2hr class on evaluating productivity in my hospital dept. Exciting!!!! you say. Not so much but I do understand more than I did before I took the class. More fun today was the Charge nurse meeting I attended and best of all the Bible study group I attended with my husband in the evening. Wow... what a full day. I'm not used to waking at 645 am and running till 9pm.Between the Class and my preparation meeting for the charge nurse meeting I was trying to accomplish a personal goal. My 14 yr old wanted a new Bible.Awesome you say... I never imagined it would be so challenging to find a Compact Bible with a filigree design, after stops at two Bible book stores I tried to get smart and called two more stores from my cell as I drove back to the hospital. I finally reached a very helpful person at my local Bible book store. She didn't have the Bible I wanted either but was willing to order it and it would arrive next Tues. Yea !!! success. One goal accomplished. The sun came out today just long enough for me to get my sunglasses out and imagine I looked really cool cruising in my shades. OK sorry I actually get pleasure out of thinking I look cool in my car. Pretty lame huh. So it was good the discussion in Bible study was about how all we have belongs to God and we are just in trusted with what ever we have to pass it along for His purpose. I was reminded again what a relief it is when I realize how this life is not mine to direct and manage. Ive given my life to Him and what ever stuff He entrusts to me is His too. What a relief. So I don't need to worry. God says to me

Matthew 6:30-32 (New Living Translation)
30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.
my blessing for today is the fact my 14yr old is asking for a new Bible so she can pursue a relationship with God of her own. (really no better blessing than this)and His infinite care for me

Did I learn a lesson?

2009-03-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

I met a man in uniform today. I almost ran him over on the road. Scary!!!!!.If I look at my experience today as a learning experience I could say I learned making a lane change when a motorcycle police officer is in you blind spot is a very bad idea. This lesson will cost me $100.00. It could have been worse.I'm so thankful the "worse" did not happen. The part I am having such a difficult time accepting is the fact I did not see the police officer.We are all human and capable of error. I was not in a hurry, upset,eating,speeding,talking on the cell phone,sleepy or anything else I could attribute any blame. I apologized to the officer but I'm not convinced I can change anything in the future. I want to think I can learn something from this situation. I try in everything I do to think about others and care about helping and not hurting. I have to accept that I am capable of failure. The blessing is no harm occured and I will pay more attention in the future. Boy I wish the lesson didn't cost $100.00,but I'm glad my lesson didn't cost the police officer a higher price.I will send my check in and move on and hope I dont have any expensive lessons to learn in the near future

Blessings in time spent.

2009-03-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

The girls and I went to see the movie confessions of a shopaholic. Mindless you say? Yes but time spent with 3 of my 4 daughters as the commercial says “ priceless”. We jumped in the car thinking we would be late to the movie. Going to a movie on a Sunday evening was Kind of random, but the Brooke wanted to see it and funny her husband really was not that excited to go? We parked the car and braved the wind that was so cold we yelled as we ran into the theater. As we entered the movie we realized that we were the only ones there to watch. We took the best seats in the house and propped up our feet. The movie was funny and kind of mindless but amazing the moral of the story was really good. “Place more value on people than things and don’t be defined by your things.”I can’t believe Hollywood was making some of the same points we learned this week in church. Throughout the movie I kept glancing down the row and appreciating how blessed I am with the people in my life and especially to be blessed with time with them. When the movie was over two of the girls stopped in the “little girls room” so I thought I would brave the wind and bring the car around to wait by the door for them. When they arrived at the car along with them came my cousin Julie, she had been in another movie and the girls met up with her in the bathroom. We visited for quite a while with the wind whipping in the open car door. One more silly blessing , time spent with a sweet cousin.

Funny "God doesnt need email,face book,or cell phones to connect us."

2009-02-28T12:23:00.000-08:00

Thursday evening I was checking in on my face book friends when up pops a message from my 23yr old daughter. We chatted for a few minutes until for some reason we were disconnected. Then my cell phone rang. It was Brooke she wanted to continue the conversation that had been interrupted. She described how she wanted to start a Bible study group with freshmen girls at our church. She was having difficulty connecting with the right person and finding the girls for the group. I encouraged her to email the student ministry assistant. I told her she could find the email address on the church web site contact list.
My husband and I went off to join our 11yr old at her fundraising spaghetti dinner for a summer mission trip. When we entered the dining room we were surprised it looked like all the tables were full. We went through the line to get our food and then headed to the bleacher seats. I noticed 3 seats had just emptied at a table so I asked if we could sit there. Shortly after we sat down two more people joined us and started a conversation with another family. As I listened into the conversation one mother was describing how her 14 yr old daughter did not feel comfortable in the big youth group gathering and really wished she could be a part of a smaller group for Bible study. The other mother agreed her daughter really would enjoy that also. I introduced myself and explained the desire of my 23yr old and asked if the moms would like my daughters’ phone number to start a plan for a Bible study. \
We were all amazed at how God had made the connections and appointments for these individuals to have their needs met. I left the spaghetti dinner with a true sense of blessing that God is not dependent on email, face book, web pages, or cell phones. I called Brooke from my cell phone excited to share the connection God had arranged and that she didn’t need to struggle through any more emailing etc. God had figured it out. Funny she said I tried to contact the student ministries assistant through the web site and something was wrong with the web site. We laughed together how amazing and how quickly and efficiently God had answered this simple request. It had been less than two hours from our conversation.

Two days in a chair

2009-02-24T20:12:00.000-08:00

The last two days all I’ve done is sit in my chair. My head hurt, my muscles ached, my ears congested Kleenex box by my side and laptop open.Ive tried to think of something witty to write in my blog but my head is so foggy so I take a nap. Ive snooped around to see what others are doing on their blogs. I rarely am stopped by anything, but the last two days the combination of symptoms stopped me in my tracks. Thankfully all this hit while I am on my long stretch off work. My husband has done laundry, and kept the girls on track while Ive done nothing. I start my work week tomorrow with a Human resources class all day. Better to start with a class rather than a full 12hr night shift.

Baptism

2009-02-22T00:24:00.000-08:00

Wednesday eve the 14yr old asked me to take her to see several of her friends get baptized. I was really tired and just wanted to collapse into a chair. I felt pretty lame I was so unmotivated to drive my daughter to a Wednesday night church service. I asked my husband to come so we could be together for the eve but he was busy in his office and didn’t want to interrupt his work. I felt crabby about going without him.
On the drive to the church my daughter announced “I was planning to get baptized myself this evening but I’m not going to do it now because I don’t feel well. My name is even in the program for tonight. I was surprised but commented “Dad would be sad to miss seeing you do something as important as baptism.” We arrived at the church and she ran off into the crowd of teens. I found a friend to sit with.
The service was amazing. 40 kids up on the platform sharing how they had made a decision to give their lives to Christ and be baptized was encouraging and inspiring. The youth pastor announced to the audience that if anyone in the group would like to be baptized tonight to just come forward. I had this flash of a thought that my daughter just might go ahead with being baptized even though her dad was not here to enjoy the moment.
One by one the kids entered the water and were immersed. It looked like the last of the kids had been baptized when I looked up and thought “who that is in the water.” It was my daughter. Just for a moment I was sad because her dad was not there. Then to my absolute surprise I looked to see who was in the water with her and it was my husband speaking the words. A_____ because of your profession of faith I baptize you. What a huge blessing. My daughter had not only decided to be baptized but she called her dad at home in his office and asked him to come to church and baptize her tonight. This moment was truly a blessing. I didn’t need a camera this is a moment I will remember for my whole life.

At the mall again...

2009-02-16T02:06:00.000-08:00

No I do not go to the mall all the time but today I went on another journey to find the elusive 00 size jeans. Really the 11yr old wears a size 12 in girls but she is too cool to shop in the girls section. She wants to be in the teen section. My sweet husband joined us on the hunting trip. Bless him. We realized we had both forgot our cell phones again and I reminded him we better not loose each other like last time. So we embarrassed the 11yr old by holding hands in the mall. She complained “ Yesterday was valentines day why do you have to hold hands today Gross!” We parked the car and the adventure began. I no sooner got out of the car when I noticed a small child probably 4yrs old running through the cars. I saw no adult near and the little boy was headed for the traffic. My heart went into mommy panic mode. Not wanting to chase the child right into the traffic I used my mommy voice and commanded him to stop now. The boy stopped just for a moment long enough to realize he didn’t know me and turned to head into traffic again. So then my husband commanded the boy to stop. He again stopped and at that point we could see a man coming toward us about 2 rows over and appeared know this child. What a relief. It was hard for me to move on to jean shopping.
Once in the mall we started our search. After 3 stores we found an acceptably cool store that actually had size 12 girls jeans that fit perfectly. Success. Yea. We headed for the far end of the mall to buy socks at Sears. Near sears is the kiddy play area where parents can sit on a bench and let their small children climb and jump on soft renditions of fruit or something like that. We approached the escalator to go up. I could not even believe my eyes. At the bottom of the escalator toddles a 2yr old, again no adult in sight watching out for this little guy. I said to myself not again. I got on the escalator and sure enough the little guy got on about 4 steps behind me. Then he sat down. Oh my goodness again I went into panic mode afraid he would get his clothes or fingers caught as he arrived at the top. Where was this kid’s parent!!!!!!! Well I cannot throw stones I have lost each one of my 4 children at some time in their lives. So I coaxed the little one to stand up and took him by the hand and directly back down the escalator hoping some panicked parent would come running to retrieve this lost child. Again no parent, I guided him to the icecream stand and asked the girl at the register to call security. With that the little boy pulled his hand away and ran. I thought maybe he saw someone he recognized. I followed to be sure he found his family. I stood watching this child for at least 10 min hoping an adult would start yelling hey my kid is gone. No such luck. I started talking to another bystander confiding what had just happened and how upsetting this was. He asked a man sitting nearby is this your boy. The man said yes. He did not speak English. I asked the man to explain to the boys dad that his child had been all the way up the escalator and he was lucky someone returned him safely. The man seemed very uninterested and I left feeling like I never want to go to the mall again.

Valentines day week in review

2009-02-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

Valentine’s Day morning
Roses and a pastry with strawberry cream cheese topping greeted me on the kitchen counter this morning. My husband doesn’t miss a chance to say I love you. What a Nice surprise after such a busy week. I started my work week last Friday night told to stay home from work because of not enough patients. At 2am the situation changed and I was called in to work. This was great except for some reason I had stayed up till 1 am watching a movie. I worked Sat, Sun, and Monday night, then slept Tuesday night. Wednesday I agreed to work till midnight, yes I stayed till 130am. I started my Wednesday morning with a leadership class downtown on accomplishing tasks. The patients kept coming in to the dept with no end in sight. Instead of meeting with my manager I worked to relieve other nurses so they could have a lunch break. I was ready to leave at 530pm when the charge nurse informed me they couldn’t reach a nurse who was scheduled to work extra on nights. I agreed to cover till 1am because at that time I would have been on the clock for 16hrs. It is against the law for me to work longer than 16 hrs. I kind of needed to rehearse what I had done this week because it all ran together and I was wondering why I was so tired. I am thankful for the work because there is not much construction work for my husband at this time.

Is it possible for me to quit feeling guilty and pulled in every direction?

2009-02-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

Is it possible for me to quit feeling guilty and pulled in every direction? Yesterday afternoon I found myself trying to meet everyone’s “need”. One child wanted me to take her to the gym to work out. One wanted to go shopping for jeans. The dog wanted my attention and even though my husband was not requesting anything at the moment I somehow felt worried I needed to do something for him also. My heart was heavy thinking I would like to spend time with my grown daughter but didn’t know when. Then came in the creeping sadness of missing my second daughter who moved to N.C. to do what I’m so proud of her for doing and that’s being a wife and living her life. How could such a beautiful day be full of so much guilt? I’m still trying to learn I’m not going to make everyone in my world happy. I decided shopping was out of the question, my husband really didn’t need anything, my two grown daughters certainly were not needing me to worry about them at that moment and I made my way out the door to the gym to do myself a favor and grant one person their wish. As I walked on the treadmill I asked God to help me to quit feeling so guilty and inadequate. What came to my mind was the phrase “There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus”. So tonight I looked up the verse. The Message version Romans 8:1 With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.
Today I didn’t carry all the burdens I was packing around yesterday. I remembered I don’t live under anyone’s condemnation not even my own.

Today I enjoyed a walk just before sunset. The colors in the sky were beautiful I don’t live under a black cloud.

Lost in the Mall

2009-01-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

Fourteen year old girls are peculiar creatures, sometimes energetic and giggly and sometimes too sleepy to wake up till 2pm. I am experiencing the joys and frustrations of living with a 14 yr old girl for the 3rd time. I was looking forward to a shopping trip to the mall with “A” and my husband. This is an unusual event that turned into a very miserable experience. We all walked in the mall together but “A” went to the junior dept while “D” and I went to browse the men’s dept. We have all become very dependent on cell phones to keep track of each other. But today my cell phone battery was dead and “A” does not have a cell phone (lost it because of texting her life away). I started for the jr dept dressing room to check on “A” thinking my husband was behind me. Although he thought Ill just stay behind and hang out in the mens dept. As the time slipped by I enjoyed the questions of “what do you think mom? Was she really asking my opinion? Wow this is fun. She decided on her new pair of jeans. So now where is dad? We looked around thinking he couldn’t have strayed far. Maybe he went to the shoe dept. “A” and I wandered over to the shoe dept commenting on the styles and how the boots she thought were cute look like boots I wore back in the 80s. Still enjoying the time but wondering in the back of my mind how are we going to find “D” without a cell phone? We had not communicated well. As I expressed my concern to”A” her attitude went from sweet to angry and irritated in a second. ”How could you lose him he is not a little child.”Why didn’t you make a plan?” She scolded me. I said I guess we will have to find a pay phone and call your dad. So we headed for the customer service dept to call “D”. When we reached customer service I realized pay phones no longer exist. I had to ask to use the stores phone. I called my husband’s cell and he didn’t answer. Now what? The clerk suggested we page him in the store. He did not respond. Where could he be? I said to A” I’m going out to the car to see if he is waiting there. He was not there. With no better ideas I suggested we walk to the food court he knew we were hungry. He was not there. As we walked back from the food court “A” lit into me again about how could I lose dad she was now angrier than ever without difficulty or apprehension in telling me how she is feeling. My much anticipated shopping trip turned into another opportunity for “A” to verbally abuse me. I was hurt she could speak to me so cruel. I spoke up as we walked and said stop talking to me this way. You’re speaking to your mom. Somewhere from the past I remembered when you lose someone go back to where you last saw them. So we headed back to where we started. “D” had found a chair near the Jr dept and was waiting patiently for us. To my surprise “A” was not done with her outbursts of anger at both her dad and I. “You two are ridiculous lost puppies” Sad and hurt I made my way to the car with “A” berating her dad and I. In the car I addressed “A” with my strong disappointment in her behavior. About 15min after we returned home I experienced one of the best blessings a mom can experience. My 14yr old shared regret and genuinely apologized and asked forgiveness for her behavior at the mall. Life is full of blessings sometimes their found because someone gets lost at the mall.

Sometimes a deep desire or love in our lives can be one of the greatest sources of struggle.

2009-01-13T23:23:00.000-08:00

I think now at age 46 I can say that one of the things that defines who I am is how much I love attending families who are in the process of labor and delivery as an RN for the last 25 years. For the last few years I have focused more on supervising the labor and delivery unit on the night shift. I don’t have the opportunity to bond with the families as much although I usually attend the delivery stepping in at the last minute to be ready to resuscitate a baby who needs some assistance in the first minutes of life. This weekend I had the blessing and pleasure of taking care of a family from the time they walked in the door through the delivery of their first baby. I realized I’m in a new adjustment period in life as I observe other women my age cooing over their grandbabies. I never really was affected by this fact until a few months ago when my oldest daughter B. announced with much grief that she and her husband of 4 years had been trying to conceive for the last 12 months. To give a little background B is the oldest of 4 daughters and from the time she could say baby she wanted to take care of one…… I cannot even put into words how confused and disoriented I feel describing this latest turn of events, facing the possibility of traveling along side of my sweet B. down the rugged and sometimes long road of infertility. I don’t really have much experience in this area. Remember my work revolves around delivering babies, babies, babies……I do although have allot of experience supporting and loving those in my life experiencing, unexpected, frustrating, and sometimes grief filled situations in life. I’m trying to adjust to the new situation of supporting the one who has so much defined her life as being a mom/big sister, in a month by month journey to become a mother to her own little sweetheart. I cant help but be contemplative how the daughter of an L&D nurse who wants a baby so much should have to wait.Now when I see these new grandmas cooing I pray for a blessing for My B and husband C.

A bit about me.

2009-01-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

Born in California my family moved when I was two. I grew up in Gresham Oregon. I had allot of big dreams for my life. At the age of 9 I asked God to direct my life. He has shaped me guided me and given me the gift of forgiveness. One of my dreams was to be a mom. For as long as I can remember I have loved to play with baby dolls. I dressed ,washed,fed, and pretended to care for my sick dolls.For the last 23 years I have done just that not only in my personal life but in my work as a Labor and Delivery Nurse. I have been married to the Cute boy who helped me with Geometry homework in the ninth grade for 27 years now. The best part is we still love each other and continue to pursue our lifetime friendship. My life is blessed and challenged by my 4 daughters and Two sons in law.and our big black lab "Jack"

Where to start

2009-01-11T21:39:00.000-08:00

January in Oregon is a perfect month to curl up in a comfy chair concentrate on learning a new skill.The weather is so gray most of the time I have to look at the clock to see what time of day it is. Here I am in my chair setting up a blog just because my 23 yr old daughter urged me to try it out. Im not sure where this adventure will take me but Im taking the first step.I dont really understand what is the purpose of a blog. I hope to learn more as I go